Being 66

Being 66 means that I have lived a long life, particularly if calculated by the average human life span over the millennia. 

Being 66 means I have loved.  I have loved and lied, and I have loved and been lied to.  I have been consumed in the heat of love, comforted by the warmth of love, and made brittle by the extinction of love.  

Being 66 means I have had happiness and celebration.  I’ve drunk till I couldn’t walk, laughed until my face was wet with tears and exhausted my body such that I could not take another step.  

Being 66 means I have had dreams crushed.  I have cried rivers of tears.  I have had disappointment in myself and disappointment in others.  Ugly messes have been tossed in front of me, messes I was left to clean up.

Being 66 means that I have children and grand children.  It means that my parents are gone, it means that my siblings are old too.   It means that my youth is the “old days”.  It means the things I received as wedding presents are now found in antique shops and are sold for twice the cost of them in 1972.  It means that my kids think of me as antique, fragile, and not with it.  

Being 66 means that I am still growing.  It means that each day I wake is another day to get through, do my best, accept that I may have a glorious or a shitty day.  It means that I am still insecure, it means that I still wish I looked better.  It means that more people around me die.  It means that my past is squished into small packets and sometimes those packets get confused with present memories.  It means that time collapses and what was long ago seems not so long ago, and what happened yesterday takes a while for my brain to conjure up and recall.

Being 66 means I now have more choices, not less.  I look, but now can better choose what I see.  I hear, but now can better choose what I listen to.  I witness, but now can better choose how I act.  

Being 66 means my 66 year old heart pumps life throughout my body.  My 66 year old lungs expand and contract sustaining me with the sweet air this planet provides. My 66 year old brain still sparks with the chemistry required to sustain my automatic biologic systems and paint  my reality. 

Being 66 means that I am in this body.  I can think, I can feel, I can speak and interact with the world.   

Being 66 means I am… today.  

November 3, 2016